If you are reading this, you are likely to have experienced the loss of, or thinking about a time when you will no longer have your beloved pet with you. If it is the first time you have experienced this loss, or even if you have been through it before, it is the part of pet ownership that we all dread.. Grief affects us all personally and in different ways, but there are common themes. Note that you may experience grief no matter the size of your pet: from the smallest hamster or fish to the biggest of dogs, exotic pets to every-day moggies. Every pet is special to its owner. The relationship that we have with our faithful friends is one that is sometimes not understood by people if they do not have pets themselves. None-the-less, the feelings of grief and loss we experience are very real and should not be belittled or brushed under the carpet; instead they should be accepted as a natural response to loss.
It is important to understand that there is no order or time-line to feelings of loss. Common feelings include:
You may also have physical responses to grief; this can range from an inability to sleep, loss of appetite or comfort eating, to behavioural responses such as not being able to move your pets’ belongings. In the latter instance, if you do not want to put away or clear your pet’s belongings, don’t feel that you have to. Many people will want to keep them in sight for some time, or even forever. Do what feels right for you.
When your choice of pet has necessitated a routine in your life, such as taking dogs for walks, play-time with your cat or checking on rabbits or horses; this break in your routine can be difficult for you too.
With support from your friends and family, you might feel ready to talk about your pet and not “bottle things up”. If there is no-one you can speak to who understands and can offer support, you may wish to call the Blue Cross Pet Loss Support Service on 0800 096 6606 if you would like to talk. To go to https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss for more information about their service and details of the different ways to contact them. )The support line is open from 8.30am - 8.30pm every day. All calls are free and confidential from a UK landline. If calling from a mobile phone, some phone networks may charge. Alternatively, you can also email the Pet Bereavement Support Service on pbssmail@bluecross.org.uk. If you feel worried to ask for support, email conversations may feel easier to initiate.
Cats Protection have their own Paws to Listen Grief Support Service https://www.cats.org.uk/ what-we-do/grief/paws-to-listen a confidential phone line on 0800 024 94 94 to talk to one of our trained volunteer listeners. The line is open 9am-5pm, Monday to Friday - excluding Bank Holidays. If lines are busy, a call-back service is available.
RSPCA Pet Bereavement
https://www.rspca.org.uk/advice3andwelfare/pets/bereavement
Cruse Bereavement Support
0808 808 1677
https://www.cruse.org.uk
If you need to speak to someone outside of opening hours, the Samaritans are available anytime on 116 123. If your grief becomes complex or prolonged, and you’re not coping, please do get in touch with your GP for additional support
Memorialising your pet in some way can help you to remember your pet in a positive way. This may help you to work through your grief, and allow you to remember the nice things about having a pet, the funny things your pet did, as well as validate the important place that they had in your life. You will find many memorialisation items online which can be personalised from plaques to engraved stones, jewellery to memory boxes. But your memorialisation doesn’t need to cost you money: some ideas include:
All of these things will help you in coping with your grief. You can also participate in pet forums for remembrance, and many newspapers and other media also carry pet remembrance notices if it will help you to do this. Do what feels right for you. With time, you will start to feel better and will be able to focus on the happy times you shared together.
Children and young people can become very attached to pet for a variety of reasons.
“She is the only one who understood when I was upset”
“I could tell him all my troubles and he never be mad at me”
“He was the only thing I could count on when my parents split up”
When a pet dies, it may be a child or young person’s first experience of the death or loss of something close to them. They may feel that they have lost their best friend, an important member of their family and they may feel very sad and lonely. Feelings of numbness, disbelief and denial may be common. Sometimes anger or guilt may also be felt for something they did or said that makes them think they contributed to the death.
Most children form strong and special bonds with their pets and they are an important member of the family. The death or loss of a pet may be particularly painful if:
The age of the child and their concept of death may also influence how they react to the loss of a pet.
Children up to two years of age have little concept of death, but may miss the presence of an animal and will be aware of tensions in the family if others are grieving.
Two to four year olds have difficulty grasping that death is permanent and may commonly ask: “Where is Sammie going? Why isn’t he moving?”
Five to ten year olds may ask: “Why don’t the eyes close? What happens to him when he goes in the ground? Does euthanasia hurt? Will my other pets be lonely”
By the age of nine onwards, most children are aware of the biological finality of death and they may be curious about the aspects surrounding death, such as post-mortem or burial.
Adolescence is a time of high emotions and adolescents may be less willing to share feelings or talk about real issues. In fact they may feel closer to their pet than with other members of their family and feel the loss most acutely.
Pets are part of the family, and when a much-loved pet dies it can be incredibly emotional and upsetting for everyone. Losing a pet is often a child’s first experience of bereavement. As difficult as this is, it’s an important learning moment. Here are some tips to keep in mind when you are helping a child to cope with their pet dying.
Use clear, simple language. Children will need a clear explanation to help them make sense of what's happened. Keep the information you give simple and truthful, and use words they can understand. Avoid using euphemisms like 'gone to sleep' or 'lost, instead say 'dead' or 'died'.
Explain to your child that all living things die – leaves, plants, trees and our pets. This is an important step in their eventual understanding of death. It also can be helpful to explain that when an animal dies it’s no longer hungry, thirsty, tired or cold and that it won’t feel any pain. This is a tricky subject, and it’s worth trying to make it a general topic of conversation before a death occurs.
Make sure your children understand that they may feel sad, worried or even angry about what’s happened. Explain that it’s important to remember these are all normal emotions to experience when someone has died. Younger children will need your help to label how they’re feeling – so saying things like ‘I think you’re feeling sad because Pickles died’ can be useful.
It can take time to feel less sad about a pet that’s died, but focusing on the happiness you shared and doing activities that your child enjoys can help them to start feeling better. Reassure them that it will get easier to remember good times with their pet, and that feeling better, smiling, happiness and laughter is okay.
By discussing the death of your pet as a family and listening to your child’s feelings, you are laying the foundations for how they’ll deal with loss throughout their lives. You could encourage little ones to express how they feel through talking, writing, drawing or even making a memory box filled with special things that remind them of their pet to help them to process the experience. Some content in this leaflet is taken from the Blue Cross pet loss support for children.
We have a leaflet available help you through the loss of your pet, called Beyond Goodbye with this information and more. It includes ideas for dealing with Grief in Dogs and Cats. Please ask at reception.
Bereavement Support also available with a trained member to the Wangford Vets team. This can be booked at our reception or by calling 01502 578999